Memoirs of a Monkey God

atomictao @ 2009-03-26T14:21:00

2009-03-26T21:32:32Z

So. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace. Have you seen it? It's great.

It's a british show from a few years back. In it, comedian Matthew Holness portrays his character of horror writer, Garth Marenghi, an incredibly prolific author who, in his own words, 'is the only person who's written more books than he's read'.

The conceit of the show is that back in the 80s, the fictional Marenghi produced, directed, wrote, and starred in "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace", a bbc series that went six episodes before being cancelled. So each episode of the show is presented with commentary by Marenghi and the other actors involved.

It is hilarious and very very clever. It's pretty much a show in a show and fairly hard to describe.

Sadly, it hasn't been released in the states. But, as I am made of 97% pure love, I have scoured YouTube and put together a complete playlist of the series. http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B56AC3AD3AF2D4F6

I post it here because I know that most of my friends would dig it cause we're all messed up in the same ways.

atomictao @ 2009-03-12T16:45:00

2009-03-12T23:52:05Z

I am on the twitter.com/AtomicTao

It's kind of cool. I see it as the half-step between emails and instant messenger clients.

atomictao @ 2009-03-09T15:36:00

2009-03-09T23:36:12Z

Just saw Watchmen. (Spoilerinos ahoy)

Zach Snyder did not ruin it. As one of the few people in the circles I run in who severely disliked 300, (not gonna say I hated it, but I did not enjoy it) I was pleasantly surprised by this. I liked it overall, but rather than any kind of half-hearted review that I'll likely get bored of writing halfway through, I shall instead make a little list of points that occurred to me over the course of the movie.

-I was not expecting to like the soundtrack as much as I did. I don't mean the ambient orchestral stuff, I mean the honest-to-god-real-life songs they used. From 'The Times They Are A-Changin'' with the opening credit montage to "All Along The Watchtower" near the end, I thought it was really well done. I thought about going and picking up the soundtrack, then I realized that the reason I liked the soundtrack so much was because I liked the songs on it, and I already had most of them anyway. Almost embarassing! (As an aside, I LOVED 'Everybody Wants to Rule the World' playing fairly quietly in the background of one of Veidt's scenes. The song isn't even on the official soundtrack, but it was a cool little aural cue.)

-Casting was pretty good, no complaints. Rorschach was, in my opinion, pretty dead on in voice and appearance and demeanor.

-But because the portrayal was so dead on, I felt a bit let down when it came to his backstory flashbacks. I can understand truncating the psychiatrist scenes: pacing those would have been tricky in a movie already almost 3 hours long. I hope that maybe some of the missing elements pop up on a DVD: the Kitty Genovese reference to show why he did the hero thing in the first place; why he wore the mask ("Black and white, always changing, never mixing into grey").

Again, spoileroonies ahoy.

What did bug me was the way they portrayed that moment of his psychotic break. Yes, he killed the kidnapper. In the film version, he takes the cleaver and hacks the guy's head after chaining him to the stove. Yes, he's a crezzy murderer, we get it.

In the comic, he chains the guy to the stove and puts a hacksaw next to him. (It might have been the cleaver, I don't have it handy at the moment to verify.) He sets the place on fire around him and lays out the kidnapper's options: hack his own hand off to escape the flames, or die in the fire.

I can't quite put my finger on why this change bothers me, but it seems very wrong to me. Rorshach is a fairly complex character and I feel like when they got the chance to shed a little light on him, they backed off. Why not leave it in? Time issues? They could have shaved a couple minutes off one of the (vaguely laughably Cinemaxish) sex scenes if they needed a few more minutes.

Other than a few other quibbles (quite a few of which were quibbles I had with the source material anyway) I largely enjoyed it the movie, though.

And somewhere, Alan Moore broods crankily on his onyx throne and smothers another angel in his beard.

atomictao @ 2009-01-09T13:06:00

2009-01-09T21:08:10Z

I really want Omega Beams to atomize Joe Quesada sometimes. The lack of consideration that Marvel has for the retailers that sell their product is astounding.

atomictao @ 2008-12-09T23:25:00

2008-12-10T07:26:25Z

Another day, another attempt at a better job.

Sacrifice an extra virgin for me today.

atomictao @ 2008-12-03T23:27:00

2008-12-04T07:29:02Z

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Tuesday I helped audzilla_ across the street (6 points). In August I punched valinorwanderer in the arm (-10 points). In April I committed genocide... Sorry about that, metyldapryde (-5000 points). Last Sunday I ruled Asscrackistan as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). Last Saturday I invaded Iraq, broke it, and couldn't glue it back together before Mom got home (-1012 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-6716 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!

Sincerely,
atomictao

So, helping someone across the street doesn't make up for genocide or megalomania?

What the hell?

I just saw the new Watchman Trailer

2008-11-18T02:07:36Z

Zach Snyder: More slow motion! MORE!!!!

Rar

2008-10-12T02:32:27Z

I have a new idea for a novel series to make me ultra rich:

"Sexy Woman Fights the Supernatural".

I figure I can write about one thousand of these paperbacks and be set for life.

Also, apparently Terry Goodkind is having a cheap-ass sub-Hercules/Xena syndicated fantasy series based on his books?

That's wonderful.

atomictao @ 2008-09-24T19:32:00

2008-09-25T02:32:40Z

Fuck you, variant covers. Fuck you to PIECES.

atomictao @ 2008-09-18T15:23:00

2008-09-18T22:30:02Z

From shepdog :

If you're on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

atomictao @ 2008-09-12T23:24:00

2008-09-13T06:28:08Z

"I wouldn't say I buy it, Liz. Let's just say I'm window shopping... and right now, there's a half-price sale on 'weird'."

atomictao @ 2008-09-11T14:27:00

2008-09-11T21:39:23Z

To follow up on my previous post about the current generation of Forum Debaters--

I decided to play a little drinking game in which I went to the forums attached to a website I visit on a regular basis. I told myself I would take a shot of Tully whenever one of the twerps mouthing off decided to defend a weak or not-well-thought-out opinion by using the phrase 'straw man' like some some Killing Word that should end the argument immediately.

When I came to twelve hours later, I was wearing a scuba suit and was apparently the assistant to the Prime Minister of Sri Lanka.

Prepare for Unforeseen Consequences

2008-09-10T04:48:26Z

http://www.joystiq.com/2008/09/09/terrible-news-gordon-freeman-spotted-near-large-hadron-collider/

Yikes.

remind me

2008-09-08T00:22:05Z

Why do I read forums again? Any forums, anywhere?

My intentions are noble... I generally go to forums because I get in my head that I might find some intelligent discourse or information that I find useful or interesting. But then I forget that people on the internet are, by and large, idiots who are intoxicated by the alchemy of anonymity combined with an audience.

The board I just retreated from... hooo, boy. I am convinced that the current generation of Great Forum Debaters keep a copy of Debating for Dummies by the keyboard. I counted, no lie, 20 uses of the word 'strawman' in one page of 20 posts. They were so busy picking apart the responses of those with dissenting opinions that the POINT of the thread was pretty much obliterated. Everyone was taking everything very personally, and after a couple more pages, mothers were being insulted. Who lost the debate?

ALL OF US.

(It is worth pointing out that this drama was taking place on a forum about a video game. So you know that they're talking about the important stuff.)

atomictao @ 2008-08-22T14:33:00

2008-08-22T21:55:32Z

So, after walking through my local Barnes and Noble and seeing table after table PILED with hardcover books either lionizing or condemning both presidential nominees, I thought to myself "Man, you gotta get in on that action."

So, I'm going to write a book for 2012, entitled "Whichever Candidate I'm Not Voting For Rapes Donkeys".

Within its pages the reader will plow through atrocity upon atrocity that the Candidate has committed, above and beyond the eponymous act. Everything from the Candidate's involvement in the Ebola Monkey Orphanage Scandal to the Candidate's infamous 'Funeral Home Sex Romp' Video.

The best part about this book is that it doesn't matter who reads it, or who they're voting for... it will always tell the reader "yep, you're voting for the right Candidate. The other Candidate once burned down an entire rain forest in order to get high off the smoke of the ultra-rare Cancer Cure plants (see Chapter 76: 'Dude, I was so wasted last night')."

The back cover will feature a tasteful photo of me in the wilderness, with two leashed German Shepherds, and wearing a tri-cornered hat.

Greetings, program

2008-08-02T04:11:57Z

I have had like five people email me with the Wolverine teaser trailer they showed at Comic con.
Wolvering is badass, blah blah blah, look, it's Deadpool, blah blah blah, oooooo hey it's Gambit, blah blah retch blah.

That's all well and good, but this is much more important news:

Tron 2. Or, as it is apparently called, Tr2n.

http://io9.com/5029516/tr2n-rips-your-eyeballs-and-light-cycles-off

The fact that no one watching the SDCC news didn't send me anything about this and yet flooded my inbox with the Wolverine Goodtime Fanwankery Movie shows how much I need to revamp my network of friends. They don't know me AT ALL.

In other news, the Watchmen trailer was awesome, though a recent interview I read with director Zach Snyder makes me want to push him down the fucking stairs. I can see why he seems to gravitate to Alan Moore and Frank Miller projects, he is so freaking full of himself that I'm surprised he doesn't form some kind of ego singularity.

In the interview he goes to great lengths to badmouth other comic book superhero movies (he was mostly talking about the hugely successful Iron Man and Dark Knight here) and everyone that made those movies successful (that would be us, my friends, the fans that paid for their tickets), suggesting that his is the only movie that isn't part of the 'machine' that his vision is pure and will rend all of us hopeless fanpersons apart.

Mr Snyder, you adapted 300, which was essentially Frank Miller drawing a picture book loosely based on a real piece of historical fiction which was itself based on a real historical event except he added a bunch of fun Millerisms such as a deformed freak and some nekkid boobies. You did not invent sunlight. And you had nothing to do with the production of Tron. So get over yourself.

If your movie is successful, it will only be because you hewed as close to the source material as you could, not because of your original vision. You have a scene by scene BLUEPRINT of how to do this movie, it's there on the pages of the comic.

Don't get me wrong. I want him to do a good job. I want this to be a kickass movie that helps further cement comics as a legit form of mainstream entertainment. I just.... don't want him to blather on about how much of an anti-establishment rebel he is and how everyone else is a part of the machine. He should have gotten past all that when he got out of high school.

I'm going to avoid reading any more interviews with this guy, because I don't want my dislike for him to get in the way of this movie.

Fingers X-ed.

2008-06-05T03:04:12Z

So I have applied for two different jobs at the same company. I'd be really good at both jobs. One job, I *really* want. The other, I would be perfectly okay with as I just really want to work with this company and the opportunity to advance within it is very appealing.

So I'm asking for some fuzzy positive thoughts directed in my direction for this. Maybe some lava sacrifices, what have you. I'd really appreciate it. :)

Indiana Jones and the Something of Something.

2008-05-22T21:04:26Z

My spoiler free opinion: If you're an Indy fan, see it. Don't worry about George Lucas kid-ifying it or anything. As all Indy movies, there are some pretty gruesome deaths. The dialogue was crisp and funny. Harrison Ford is showing his age, yes, but that is actually a point of the story. Its not something that is paid lip service to and then forgotten. I read another review that said that in this outing, Indy seemed to rely a lot more on his wits and craftiness than pure physicality, and that's accurate, in my opinion.

I thought it was a fun, entertaining movie. Its not Raiders (nothing will ever be), but its neck and neck with Last Crusade, and Temple of Doom (which I feel *is* the most kid-ified Indy movie, personally) is still at the bottom of the stack.

If you're an Indy fan, see it. Its a fun ride.

Much bitching and moaning has been made of the fact that this movie's paranormal component comes from sci-fi rather than mysticism. But I think it works. This is a movie set in the late 50s. World War II is over, the atom bomb has been rolled out, the cold war is in full force, and the US government is on a communist witch hunt. The world is a lot smaller and people are embracing the future rather than looking into the past. In this context, the sci-fi aspects work for me.

I was enjoying the movie but when Karen Allen came on the screen, it went to another level. Both Indy and Marion look all their years, but the banter that almost immediately ensues is such a wonderful throwback to Raiders that I totally forgot. And the big reveal between Indy and Marion was VERY well done. Rather than waste time on useless speculation and foreshadowing and hinting drawn out to the very end of the movie, they confirmed what we knew in one very clear, crisp, and very funny bit of dialogue.

Mutt Williams. I admit that I have not yet seen Shia Lebouf in a movie where I did not like him, even if the movie itself was dreadful. (Disturbia, anyone?) He did *very* well playing a Rebel Without A Cause/Clue. It was a role that could have been awful, but luckily Mutt actually DOES stuff. He's not stupid. He's actually very skilled in many areas. He is the son of his parents but with some teenage rebellion thrown in for good measure.

If I had a major complaint about the film, it was the villains. Cate Blanchett did a decent job, but in general, the villains didn't stand out in this one. Its not a big deal... the villains still serve their purpose, they just don't do it in a memorable way.

There were scenes that were fairly over-the-top. But to me, over-the-top is the essence of pulp, and that's what Indiana Jones is. Pure, tasty pulp.

atomictao @ 2008-05-15T23:55:00

2008-05-16T07:08:49Z

Upcoming movie trailer seen at a recent theater outing:

Former Saturday Night Live star who has long since worn out his welcome stars in a movie in which he affects an accent, hams his way through a script which is primarily a delivery system for fart/poop/sex jokes. By the end of this movie he finds some form of acceptance he was lacking at the start of the film, and on the way ends up in bed with some hottie who wouldn't give him the time of day if he wasn't the star of the movie.

So... am I talking about the latest Adam Sandler movie, or the latest Mike Myers movie? Hmmmmm?

(Trick question: I was talking about both of them.)

I was complaining about these movies today and I was called a movie snob in a derogatory fashion.

What's wrong with being a movie snob, I ask you?

atomictao @ 2008-05-10T13:19:00

2008-05-10T20:24:58Z

I'm sitting at work. One of my customers just pulled out a block of colby-jack cheese and started eating it like a candy bar.

Not a larger piece of cheese that has been cut down to smaller-cracker friendly sizes... no, a fresh-from-the-market, shrink-wrapped hunk of cheese that he opened and began gobbling down huge Snickers-like chunks.

Wow.

Words would sully this.

2008-03-15T02:30:55Z

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2764624.html

BORING QUIZ BLAHBLAHBLAH

2008-02-23T21:41:33Z

I always thought I'd be Mercury.

You Are From Mercury

You are talkative, clever, and knowledgeable - and it shows.

You probably never leave home without your cell phone!

You're witty, expressive, and aware of everything going on around you.

You love learning, playing, and taking in all of what life has to offer.

Be careful not to talk your friends' ears off, and temper your need to know everything.

What Planet Are You From?

CANTANKEROUS

2008-01-14T05:00:36Z

Sometimes I wonder if the internet isn't responsible for transforming any number of 'fans' into a legion of ranting, bitching, complaining, over-critical, never-pleased, spoiled, entitled, asshats.

Then I realize how silly I'm being.

Of course it has.

BEARS

2007-12-05T07:58:09Z

So, my area got hit by quite a lot of weather this past weekend. I love snow, but the county around me doesn't. Pretty interesting night, though, lots of pretty snow, a decent dinner.

Oh, and FOUR FUCKING STITCHES IN MY FACE.

There was a crazed bear, who was also a total jerk. And he had a knife. I caught a swipe just under my left eye. But you should see the bear. Totally messed him up.

I've never actually had stitches before, so this is a new experience for me. Chances are I'll be left with at least a small scar there.

The only question now?

Do I go the Dr. Doom route, decide that the small scar mars my perfect countenance, and so find a Tibetan monastery, and then forge and attach a mask of still-red-hot metal to my face?

Or do I go the Phantom of the Opera route, get one of those half masks and live in a series of caves under the Opera House, stalking some young singer while singing so that women see me as a romantic figure rather than a creepy predator?

Decisions, decisions.

The Story of Thanksgiving. (Now with 100% more mutant robots.)

2007-11-11T21:12:03Z

Some people seem unclear on the True Meaning of Thanksgiving. Well, since I am the soul of charity (or at least I happen to have the soul of Charity in my possession, its none of your business how I got it), here you go.

Thousands of years ago, Santa Claus -- having stolen H.G. Wells' time machine and ending up traveling through a series of uncontrolled time vortices and having many adventures-- ended up on a mysterious island in the South Pacific. This strange island was populated by an even stranger civilization of super-intelligent turkeys.

The turkeys kept a captive population of dexterous and clever elfin slaves, to build and maintain their advanced technology. At first, Santa's presence was met with trepidation and even fear-- Turkeyopolis (the turkeys' capitol city) had long been inviolate by outsiders. But eventually, he was welcomed as a curiosity, bringing knowledge of the outside world and its history that Santa had accumulated in his adventures.

But the turkeys had sinister alternative motives... they didn't just want Santa's knowledge-- they wanted his time machine. Imagine! The turkeys could travel back in time and kill the first monkey that came down from the tree and thus evolve into humanity. They could set themselves up as powerful (but delicious) gods to primitive civilizations, thus ensuring turkey dominance (or turkinance) for all of eternity.

Santa was no fool, though. He'd lost his naivete when he was in feudal Japan and was tricked by the ancient Oni-spirit Kuruiki into causing the extinction of the dinosaurs. He figured out what the turkeys were up to.

He had noticed the elfin slaves that maintained everything in Turkeyopolis and yet were beneath the notice of of the ruling turkeys. He befriended them. They promised him that they could provide him with a new way to travel through time-- as long as Santa took them with him when he went. He agreed, and had the elves destroy H.G. Wells' time machine before the turkeys could reverse engineer it.

The elves provided Santa with an advanced time machine in the shape of a sleigh, and powered by shaped hard-light matrices made to resemble eight reindeer.

The turkeys had rallied an army of mutant robots in response to the treachery of Santa and his elves, and a great confrontation ensued. Many elves and turkeys and robot mutants died that day, but Santa was victorious. The turkeys were cast through time to the year 1620 where they were promptly found, burned as witches, and devoured by Puritan pilgrims.

Santa and his elves ended up at the North Pole, where he had them construct a mammoth ice fortress from which he could proceed in his conquest of the world...

...but it's not time for the Story of Christmas yet.

The End.